Monday, August 6, 2012
Walking back into my faith..
A few weeks ago I was driving to my speed training workout. I was busy paying attention to traffic, listening to my music and getting my mind focused on my upcoming workout. Out of no where I heard a voice that said "Kathy go to church." I was the only one in the car so I started to think you have lost it. Then I heard it again. I wasn't sure if it was God or my own internal voice talking but it really hit a nerve. Tears starting to stream down my face as I realized right then that I have stopped making time for God.
I was born and raised in a very strick Catholic family. Went to Catholic School for 9 years, Church every single Sunday and every holy day. We never started a meal without an "Our Father" at the Morgan household. Faith was important to my Mother and Father, so they wanted to make Faith just as important to us. But when I went away from home I also walked away from my Faith.
I would go to church once in a while because my Dad would always ask me how it was going. There is one person in this world I hate to upset and that is my Dad. So I would lie to him and always tell him Church was wonderful and so was my Priest. My Dad had rules, if you lived or were under his roof you would go to Church. So any time I would come home that is what I did. I felt like I was being forced to have God in my life, which at the time I didn't like or understand.
I use to think that since I went to Catholic School I had my time with God. We prayed every morning and would go to Church at least once a week. Church wasn't special to me because it was just something I had to to at school. I hated it and hated my parents for sending me to a Catholic school where I was labeled different. The public school kids hated us, which in turn made me question my Faith.
When it was time for me to decide if faith was important I completely shut the door on its face. Of course I would pray for my friends and family, I would attend Church when I was home and would always go to Church every Sunday for lent. However, once Easter Sunday was over so was my weekly visit to Church.
The one thing I haven't done in years was pray for myself. I don't think I deserve to ask God for help when I basically am always turning away from him. Thing is I need to start praying for myself because my life is what I call in "pause mode" I feel like I have been in pause mode for a few years now. I am starting to think the reason I feel this way is because I stopped following God's path.
I make time for my workouts each week, time for my friends, time for work and time to sleep but I never make time for the one person that built me. God put me on this earth for a reason and I will never find that reason if I don't trust him and ask him to guide me in the right direction.
So I am making a promise to myself to make time for God again. It is only one hour a week! I need him in my life to help me figure out what to do with my job, my future and to be with me when the rest of the world is away. I am a better person when I attend Church. I smile more, feel at peace and feel complete.
I will never be the kind of person to throw God down someone's throat or wear I love Christ shirts. I will never question my friends for not going to Church and tell them that they are sinning. I am not the judge and I will judge others for what or how they believe. I will just sit back like I did when I was in Catholic School and soak it all in. I am ready to welcome God back into my life and am going to commit to being a better Catholic. It is time to get my priorities straight. Sleeping in, playing on my computer and getting drink should NOT be a priority. God should be!
"Technology makes us feel full leaving no more room for God and our Faith. It is time to turn off the TV, the computer and hide the Iphone to find room for God." -The Priest at Church Sunday