Even I struggle

Source: theinspirationtree.com via Jamie on Pinterest

I tried to kill myself yesterday morning...Not really but it sure felt like it on my run.  I headed out on the path around 7:45 A.M.  You would think that early the weather would be perfect right? Wrong! It was already 84 degrees outside and the humidity was so thick it was hard to breathe just standing there. I told myself "Kathy you got this! You are a Tough Mudder and you have ran in every element nature has throw at you." So I decided to take the challenge and run my 8 mile run.

I am here to tell you even after running 16 half marathons, 1 full marathon, 4 tough mudders and a few triathlons, that I struggled...REALLY struggled.  The first mile was easy for me but my mind started to play games on me early.  The second mile not so easy and I started to slow my pace.  I normally train anywhere from a 9:30-10:30 pace. As you can probably guess I was running slow for my pace.  I was running a 13:00 minute pace and no I wasn't walking.

Once I saw the time on the watch I started having negative talks in my head.  I started to tell myself that I should just quit because I wasn't getting in the run I had hoped.  Normally, I can turn off the negative talk but this time the demons won.  I even tried to convince myself that I had this run, that nothing would stop me and that I was strong...it just didn't work.  So I stopped and I walked.  I put my head down in disappointment and was so down because I haven't done in this in years.  I stopped even when I did everything right; I drank the water, had the carbs and got the rest. But Nature had other plans for me.  Nature won this time round. 

Surely, I can't be upset about my run because I had NO control over the elements.  After struggling to complete only 4 miles, I got back in my car and wrote in my journal.  I like to write down how I feel after each run, so I have a memory of my training.  Anyways here is what I wrote.

Today I felt like a beginner.  I felt like I have never ran a race in my life.  The struggle was something I am not familiar with but the struggle was a great reminder that I am just like everyone else out there.  Sure after all the races I have been I would expect to know that nature isn't always friendly but I wasn't prepared for what just happened.  Today I was reminded why people struggle when they first start running.  I was reminded how it feels to not get your breathing under control and how your mind plays tricks on you.  The reminder was certainly something I needed as I start my longer runs for the Columbus Marathon.  There will be days that are easy and there will be days like today.  What I must remember from the runs like today is that I learn from them.  Runs like today make me stronger, educate me and remind me that I have absolutely no control. Even with this tough run I am heading home with a smile on my face.  I ran 4 and that was more than what I figured I could do at mile 2.  Keep moving forward Kathy..keep focused on the goals and keep being AMAZING.

So there you have it! I am here telling you that everyone struggles when they run.  Even the experience runners struggle but they learn from the struggles.  Learn from your struggles but keep moving forward it only makes you stronger!

Source: via Susan on Pinterest

Difference in two years..

The first picture was two summers ago and the second was last August. (I am aware that I don't match in picture two-I was camping and didn't care). I was working out but I was also failing every single weekend.  I loved the boozes, fries and treating myself to dairy queen.  I was unhappy and what I call soft! I had muscle but you couldn't see it with all that fat over the top.  People this is a body that worked out every single day for long periods of time (2 hours a day).  I lifted but I didn't lift enough to change my body, didn't push myself.

The picture to the right is this summer! I am happy here and am loving my new fit body.  This is a person that works out maybe one hour, if that a day.  I lift heavy, do cardio and eat clean in my kitchen.  I still go out and treat myself with a beer but I now know when to stop.  I allow myself to have treats but only once in a while not every day.  The difference is now I have control and I work it hard anytime I am in my gym.

The first picture I would say I was in the 160's.  The second I was probably 155 or so.  The last picture I was 144.  What a difference a 10 pounds makes! I feel great and honestly I think I look great!  Am I done? No! This isn't a ballgame where it is over after 9 innings.  This is my life! If I stopped what I was doing I would fall back to picture one....I SURE don't want that.  I want to be strong, healthy and beautiful.  I plan on stepping up my game here with P90X and will continue to take my shakeology daily.  I will continue to succeeded and challenge myself with new fitness goals.

You can do this too! I know it! Send me an email if you want to join a July Challenge group.  Katmorgan2004@yahoo.com


Here are a few more pictures to see the change.

Great American Ball Park. Two summers ago.

With my cousins Summer 2012.  I look tiny here and in shape.

At my friends wedding. Pulling off a tight dress.

Falling slightly off the health wagon...

Source: images.search.yahoo.com via Janie on Pinterest

Everyone says to me "Kathy you always have it together, I wish I could be more like you, you are such an inspiration." I love hearing that but truth is, I don't ALWAYS have it together. I too, fall off the fitness train and jump off the healthy eating wagon. It is something I don't like to admit because I have so many people that look up to me. I would be hiding the truth to all of you if I didn't say I struggle a lot and as of lately I been holding on with one hand to my health wagon.

Summer is always a challenge for me. I know that there will be more outing out with my friends which means more challenges such as good food, drinking and less sleep. I wanted to come into summer strong and leave it even stronger but I realize I am not as strong as I hoped. I am drinking before volleyball games, drinking during outing with my friends, eating more crap and not getting enough sleep. 

The one thing that I have is the ability to not fall completely off. I am blogging this to show that I struggle just like all of you. The difference I may have from all of you is that I have the ability to pull myself up with that one hand and get back onto that fitness train and healthy eating wagon. I have never fallen off so far that I wasn't able to get refocused but I know how easy it can be to fall way off and lose complete control. 

You all have to remember that your wagon and train doesn't roll away. You may get "distracted" from the outside world but I know that wagon is parked waiting for you to get back on. Some of you may not get back on that wagon for a month, maybe a few months or even for some of you years. Does that make any sense at all? Why would you want to waist all your success for a few "off days"? You stop caring about your success and start worrying about food, beer and fun. Let's be honest it is a terrible place to be, it really sucks losing control of something you wanted to succeed at. I know this first hand... 

But what I have learned is that you have to stop that relationship with this wagon. You have to be consistent and understand this is just a ride. You can get off for birthday parties, vacations and holiday's but don't jump off completely. If you don't enjoy the ride you may never want to get back on and we all know what happens when the wagon is in park for months...weight gain, unhappiness and a less desired lifestyle. Remember the wagon is always there to ride. You might have to dust off the cobwebs and grease up the wheels a bit but never lose sight of it because it is the most important ride of your life...the ride to a life you deserve. 
 
Today, I faced the fact that my wagon has in been in park for a few weeks but today I will jump back on and enjoy the ride! I will get off the wagon once a week to enjoy a good dinner with friends and once a week to enjoy some drinks....but not every day! I am ready to live the life I love! Ready to B-amazing again.....

How about you? What is your wagon doing at this very minute?

Source: doubleeaglefitness.wordpress.com via Gena on Pinterest

Sparkly

Source: theglitterguide.tumblr.com via Eli on Pinterest

I call myself the rent a mom! I am a part time nanny during the summer and get to spend 9 lovely hours with two amazing little girls. They challenge me physically, mentally and sometimes emotionally but we are having a great summer and it is them I have to thank for that.

Today as I was working out in my basement Alaina came downstairs.  She said, "Kathy your very sweaty and sparkly." I smiled and told her it was because I was working hard.  She smiled back and said, "Sweaty makes you look pretty." I couldn't help but pick her up and squeeze her to death.  What an awesome thing to hear from such a little girl, she is 5!  

I love the fact that she thinks sweating is pretty and sparkly.  I thought to myself, wow! I am really making a huge impact on these little girls lives.  I eat healthy every single day, workout every day and tell them why water is important every single day.  I never get McDonald's when we drive thru and they always questions me why? I just explain my body needs the good stuff like Subway or my Shakeology shake I take every day.

You see, I may not be there Mom but I am impacting their lives just by doing the little hings.  Every morning as I make their breakfast I talk to them about healthy choices.  They make a healthy choice for breakfast and lunch everyday.  I love that! I also love that now lately they want to make more and more healthy choices.  Do they need to worry about calories? No! But they are learning at a very young age why healthy choices and fitness is important.

I know most of my followers are parents and many of you are thinking seriously this is not an easy battle.  But I am telling you that kids want what is best for them.  If they see you eating crap they will want the crap too.  If they watch you working out, drinking water and eating good foods they will want to do the same.  So I challenge you to leave a few treats in the house and allow them to still have fun with foods. Just be smart they don't belong to you!!!

After Alaina told me that I looked pretty, she also asked to join me in my workout.  Of course my workout was to hard for her, as I was lifting weights. But I popped in Tony and the Kids in after and together we had a great workout. 

You have to be the role-model in their lives.  They see you as a super hero! Do you want to be the super hero that runs to junk food everyday or do you want to be the super hero that sparkles with healthy choices? So my questions is this. How do you Sparkle?

Tough Mudder Mad

                                                             

I have to shake my head in disbelieve that I have completed four tough mudders events this year.  Each time I do this race I discover something new about myself, something I would have never discover if I wasn't pushing myself beyond my own personal limits.  This race is for sure one of the hardest, craziest and best things I have ever done in my life.  I wouldn't trade the bruises, the training or the tears for anything less crazy.  I have met some of the most amazing people during these events, people that I am glad to call my friends. 

June 18, 2012 

Tough Mudder Indiana/Chicago 

Weather: HOT and storming by the end

It has almost been a week since I have completed the Indiana Mudder and I have had a writers block ever since.  I am highly discouraged because usually words come very easy for me.  I may not be able to write them well or have the best grammar.  But what I do have is heart and passion that I am able display in my post.  So why am I lost for words on this event I love so much?  Maybe because this event doesn't scare me anymore and I know I can complete it.  It might be because I am battling some things on a personal level that I just don't have it in me to write.

What I do know is that this race has made me a better person.  Being amongst complete strangers and all wanting to accomplish the same thing is a great feeling.  Most of those strangers would hurt themselves to get you over a wall, over logs and help you up a skater pike.  They rather walk with you and enjoy the race together, instead of running their hardest to get a great time.  I am telling you it is simply amazing. 

So the question that I ask myself is why can't that happen in real life? Why can't we be more kind to the people we don't know? Why can't we reach out our hand when we see others in need?  I know I am completely guilty of looking away when I knew that someone was in need.  Maybe that is why I am in such a writers block on the event because that kind of joy, kindness and love goes away so fast.

I don't know how to fix it.  I don't know how to make the world work the same way a tough mudder does.  I just know that if the world did work like a mudder this world would be AMAZING.  We would all be friends, brothers and sisters.  So I am sorry that this blog isn't about me getting shocked or me jumping into ice cold water.  This race for me this time round wasn't a reflection on how well I did or what fear I overcome. It really is about how ugly the world really is on the outside of the mud walls.

I think if you look at the picture with some of teammates and I with the flag you will understand what this race really is about.  It is about courage, friendships, faith, pride, accomplishment, joy, determination, achievement and loyalty.  I am 100% sure that real warriors/soldiers act just the way mudders act during race day.

So to all of you that are on the fence about this race, I would tell you to do it.  Do it because you want to feel how great the world can be for just a few hours, do it because you want to feel like you can conquer the world, do it because you want to be amazing, do it because you want to change you for the better.  If running a mudder isn't for you....go and be a fan! I bet you anything it has the same effect!

Be the change people!

Love you first...

Source: Uploaded by user via 蒐批 on Pinterest

 The Shakespeare quotation ‘To thine own self be true’. What a true statement! You must fully love you both inside and out before you can fully give yourself to someone else.  I often wonder how many people are true to themselves or if they’re holding themselves back trying to be someone they’re not to please others, or allowing excuses to become the truth of what they think? Think about it! Does this statement describe you or someone you know?

I fully understand that it is hard to love yourself.  We are our worst friend, enemy and critic.  We put ourselves down all the time.  Let's be honest no body gives two shits if you are wearing a red shirt, eat healthy or can run a million and one miles.  The only person that cares is you.  You care if you eat like crap, you care if your skin is flawless, you care if you have the perfect body...YOU see the worst in you, while the rest of the world sees the beauty. 

You hear 'Just be yourself' by friends..but what does that really mean? How can you be yourself when you don't like yourself? How can you be yourself when you don't even know who you really are? Well I can tell you that it takes a lot of soul searching, removing the negative things and people from your life to be able to 'be yourself'.

The most unhealthy and ugly thing you could do is to try and be someone you are not, by defining yourself by some period of time in the past or by the belief someone else has instilled in you.  Don't let people's opinions or believes become your own self-image.  I know it is easy to do but it is so damaging to your inner self. 

People will not always believe in the same things as you.  They will push you down and tell you that your opinions are wrong.  I know this because I have had people in my life tell me I 'wasn't good enough, that I wouldn't graduate from college and that I would never amount to anything.' For a very long time I believed those people.  I believed that I wasn't smart enough to finish college and that I would just live life not being anything.  But I changed the way I viewed myself, I started to build a healthier me by pushing those negative people out of my life.  You can't be the real you till you get rid of all the shit that holds you back.  Be real to yourself! I did just that.. I am good enough and I am strong enough now to prove that I am basically AWESOME in every single way. 

Let go of past mistakes but learn from them.  I know the scares of the past will always be in your mind but learn how to cover them up with positive new band-aides.  Learn to shut that part of your mind off and learn to listen to the one says 'I LOVE ME'.  Stop caring how people view you.  We are all children of god, we are all very different.  We have different tastes, different clothes, different religions, different bodies and guess what that is what makes everyone unique and beautiful.  Some people will love you and some people will hate you.  If they hate you don't try to make them like you.. Who gives a shit if someone hates you.  That just means they don't see the real you and it is their lose. 

Be honest, be open. Develop a sense of individuality. Follow your own style. Stand up for what you believe in. When you are strong enough to love yourself 100%, good and bad - you will be amazed at the opportunities that life presents you.  Being different is absolutely beautiful! Don’t let people change you.


Everything falls into place when you learn to love yourself! BE YOU. BE HAPPY! Be AMAZING!