I tried to kill myself yesterday morning...Not really but it sure felt like it on my run. I headed out on the path around 7:45 A.M. You would think that early the weather would be perfect right? Wrong! It was already 84 degrees outside and the humidity was so thick it was hard to breathe just standing there. I told myself "Kathy you got this! You are a Tough Mudder and you have ran in every element nature has throw at you." So I decided to take the challenge and run my 8 mile run.
I am here to tell you even after running 16 half marathons, 1 full marathon, 4 tough mudders and a few triathlons, that I struggled...REALLY struggled. The first mile was easy for me but my mind started to play games on me early. The second mile not so easy and I started to slow my pace. I normally train anywhere from a 9:30-10:30 pace. As you can probably guess I was running slow for my pace. I was running a 13:00 minute pace and no I wasn't walking.
Once I saw the time on the watch I started having negative talks in my head. I started to tell myself that I should just quit because I wasn't getting in the run I had hoped. Normally, I can turn off the negative talk but this time the demons won. I even tried to convince myself that I had this run, that nothing would stop me and that I was strong...it just didn't work. So I stopped and I walked. I put my head down in disappointment and was so down because I haven't done in this in years. I stopped even when I did everything right; I drank the water, had the carbs and got the rest. But Nature had other plans for me. Nature won this time round.
Surely, I can't be upset about my run because I had NO control over the elements. After struggling to complete only 4 miles, I got back in my car and wrote in my journal. I like to write down how I feel after each run, so I have a memory of my training. Anyways here is what I wrote.
Today I felt like a beginner. I felt like I have never ran a race in my life. The struggle was something I am not familiar with but the struggle was a great reminder that I am just like everyone else out there. Sure after all the races I have been I would expect to know that nature isn't always friendly but I wasn't prepared for what just happened. Today I was reminded why people struggle when they first start running. I was reminded how it feels to not get your breathing under control and how your mind plays tricks on you. The reminder was certainly something I needed as I start my longer runs for the Columbus Marathon. There will be days that are easy and there will be days like today. What I must remember from the runs like today is that I learn from them. Runs like today make me stronger, educate me and remind me that I have absolutely no control. Even with this tough run I am heading home with a smile on my face. I ran 4 and that was more than what I figured I could do at mile 2. Keep moving forward Kathy..keep focused on the goals and keep being AMAZING.
So there you have it! I am here telling you that everyone struggles when they run. Even the experience runners struggle but they learn from the struggles. Learn from your struggles but keep moving forward it only makes you stronger!